I am 48. I can remember watching the moon landing on our tiny black and white television when I was 5 years old. That same grainy little tv, with the wire hanger configured as an antenna, is how I met and fell madly in love with Charlie Chaplin.
We lived on the beach, just outside San Francisco in a town called Pacifica, in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment, all 5 of us. My dad had hurt his back and was out of work for over a year. The apartment is still there, looking better than it did then, my father is long gone.
One rainy Saturday afternoon, when everyone else had dozed off, I switched on the tv to the Saturday afternoon movie. I missed the beginning but, saw enough of “City Lights” to be so enamored and enthralled with The Little Tramp that it has been a lifelong love affair. I grew up in love with him. Managed to make every speech, paper and report in High School and college somehow involve or be about him. Collected all his movies once it became possible with beta tapes, then VHS, DVD and now they are just on my computer. When I came into sexual maturity and had my first sex dream, he was the star.
I was heartbroken to make the pilgrimage to LA to discover that his home had been torn down, his footprints removed from Mann’s and destroyed. It truly broke my heart. His studio still remains. It’s the Muppet Studio now, with a big, green Kermit atop the main building. That somehow seems ok.
I’ve dressed as him on Halloween’s. My children buy me gifts that are of him. My favorite picture of my youngest son is him dressed as Chaplin with “The Kid” on the TV in the background. I have bought every book about him, by him. The more I learn of him, the more I adore him. So smart, so sad, so genius.
I live in the beachside community of Encinitas, California now. Where he built a home for his mother that overlooks the ocean. Where his brother was part owner of a theater that still has it’s turn of the century look. He was here and I didn’t know that till I had lived here a while. But, I understand that is partly why I am so in love with this town. As he must have been.
He was a good man. A tortured soul. A true artist. We are all better because of him. It seems so strange to miss a man I never knew. He died when I was young. I remember watching his honorary Oscar acceptance on a better tv than the one I had discovered him on and in a better home, with a healthy dad. It broke my heart then, as it does every time I remember it.
I wish I could have met him. Don’t we all?